The business of getting a baby

Wishing I had all the right words to say, I wish I could properly express all the different emotions I feel. I keep writing and rewriting this post, realizing it is not as easy as it seems it should be.

This little family of mine is about to get bigger. We are having a baby in December. Can you believe it? I don't think I have stopped pinching myself since I saw the tiny word pregnant on the test 11 weeks ago.  To say we are thrilled would not even do it justice. Deacon asked me the other day "is the baby having so much fun in your belly? when I was a baby I had soooo much fun in your belly" he is going to be the best brother.

It probably seems strange that it is so hard to share such happy, happy news. The thing is, I know the pain and the heartbreak all too well of losing babies and not getting the babies you desire. I want to always be careful in my choice of words, my attitude towards pregnancy and in expressing my compassion to those who wait for the thing they desire so deeply.

There is also the fear that I have to daily put in check. I try to whisper calm, positive pregnancy thoughts to my belly everyday, telling this baby how happy I am they are in there.

I have been so blessed. Beyond words really. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of modern medicine. And most of all I believe in the power of listening to the still small voice that has helped me know when to rely on which of the two.

We are so happy.

Sooooo Complimentary

I am loving five year old Deacon. No surprise he is constantly saying hilarious things but what I love most right now is his compliments. They always make me smile and usually laugh, here are a few little gems:

The other day I asked Deacon if he wanted to take a rest and watch a Arthur he replied "Yes! Oh Mom you are a genius!" love it.

On mothers day he casually said to me "Mothers are called darlings." I loved this one, made me so happy.

He loves to comment on my hair, if it is in a ponytail he usually says "ooh I like your hair like that"

In preschool they learned a lot about manners, he is constantly saying thank you so sincerely for food I make or things I do for him.

Having Deacon be so sweet and complimentary definitely makes my job as a mom a very happy one.

A few cute/clever things he has said lately:

Tonight we went to dinner and the table had a candle on it he said "A candle? Oh no this is a date place!"

We dropped Curt off at the airport and two seconds after we drove away Deacon said "oh I sure miss my daddy!"

I asked Deacon what he wanted to get his teacher Miss Dana for a thank you gift, he was dead set on getting her soap, sweet smelling soap. I thought that was so cute and funny.

Lately he asks me if I want a surprise, when I say yes he gives me a big kiss or hug. The best surprise there is.

Love love love Deacon.

FIVE.

I can hardly believe it. Five whole years old. Five years ago today I was watching a Jazz playoff game at a friends house, I had made the spiciest salsa and had joked it was going to put me into labor.

The next morning when I went to the doctor I declared I could not be pregnant one more day, I went into labor just hours later. I remember thinking it was really important that I take a shower and do my hair before going to the hospital, HA! If only I knew how much pain I was about to be in I would have ran to the hospital.

 Once I had my epidural I watched movies and ate popsicles while waiting to push, uncle Buck to be specific. Little did I know how much my life was about to change. When they put my baby on my chest I could not even explain if I tried the love I felt, I have been feeling it every day ever since.

I am so happy to have shared the past five years with the sweetest little boy. Happy Birthday to my very favorite person in the whole wide world. I love you Deacon!