My Heart

Was broken.
Is mending.
Has never been so full.
Grew this week in ways I never understood before.
Is bursting for gratitude for all the people in my life who love me.

Every sweet word written to me on this blog made me cry and feel so loved. A kind word goes a long way towards healing.

Try as I may I can never properly express my thanks to everyone who did such thoughtful things for me this week. Meals, cards, flowers, gifts visits, calls and texts.

I love you all. I will spend the rest of my life trying to serve the way I was served. I am a blessed girl.

One special thank you to my sweet mom xoxo.
So happy it is Thanksgiving.


p.s. putting your Christmas tree up a little early will help a sad heart. Heaven help me if anything like this ever happens in June.

What if.....

Oh those dreaded what ifs in life. Those thoughts that turn your thoughts upside down and all around. The thoughts that make you question every choice you have ever made.

Please humor me, I need a place to get rid of these what ifs.

What if the insemination does not work? Will I ever have another baby? Will I be letting my family down? Will I have a breakdown, can I just try again next month? Will the outcome be any different?

The insemination worked! What if I start to bleed like the time before? What if my HCG levels are low and keep dropping? What if they don't and I get to stay happy, elated, over the moon.

Levels are high, hope. Relief. Levels drop, levels rise. A roller coaster ride. I know at the point I need love and support, much like a text I have sent before I need just say something small and the support is overwhelming. What if I did not have the friends I do? What if I did not live where I live and have neighbors are friends who save me when I am drowning.

What if the doctor gives me the weekend to let my body have a miscarriage on it's own? In the past my body knows what to do. Still I go in on Monday and my body let me down, I have to get two shots that help to move the miscarriage along. What if the shot makes me sick/sad/overwhelmed? It does, but I get through. Of course I do because I have so much love around me, even if just my little home. What if I did not have Deacon, the what if that is too much.

What if the cramping I feel 5 days later is not normal? How much cramping is too much? I call the Doctor on call (Saturday) and he informs me that going dizzy, feeling hot and the pain spreading means it is too much. Go the ER at that point he says.

What if my prayer was not heard and answered? "Go to the ER, this will not get better at home"
What if I did not have friends I had a feeling to have Curtis call, I knew they would be home and take Deacon, all day if needed. It was needed and they did.

I am amazed by the human capacity to love, to help. I am humbled and grateful to the nurse who stroked my hair and hugged me while I sobbed after learning I needed emergency surgery. I am so very thankful to the competent doctor who reassured me it was the only choice and wanted to keep me safe, comfortable and really, alive. What if Curtis was not there to bless me and help me remember Heavenly Father loves me and is with me always.

The feelings I had after I woke from my surgery one fallopian tube short surprised me. Where is the doctor? I want to thank him. Does the nurse know I love her just by speaking to me in a calm, kind voice as she woke me form surgery?

Utah is such a incredibly beautiful place, it was comforting to wake up under 4 warm blankets and look out to an amazing blanket of snow. Where is Curtis? Was he scared and nervous for the hour I was put out? What if I did not have my husband who is the calm to my nervous?

What if I lived in a time where there was no loratab, morphine or Valium? No trained doctors to take care of me?

How wonderful to come home to a loving notes, treats and a clean house (my brother the house elf) What if he were not here to give me another blessing and say these words to me:

"Be overcome with joy for your husband and child. Heavenly Father is so pleased with how you are to Deacon. Take each day one at a time"

So while there are plenty of scary what ifs in my head, I am letting the ones I wrote here go. There will be lots of other what ifs in my life but like I was reminded today, take each day one at a time, let the what ifs I can, go.

What if at the end of the day I was not able to kiss Deacons soft face and have him reach to me, his mom, for a hug? So thankful as I lay in bed not able to sleep that I am here, still, even though I have three incisions in my stomach and one less fallopian tube I am blessed beyond measure. If chosen, I can focus on those what ifs that saved my life, and that is my choice.

Nothings missing

I love this picture, it looks like everything being a kid should be.

Today while reading Deacon a story he was leaned up against me, he paused and looked up at me and said "I love ya". I realized in that moment that to Deacon I was everything.

There have been weeks and even months in the last year and a half that I have felt the longing for something I did not have, like something was missing. As much as I would love to have another baby, for Deacon to have a sibling, more than that I do not want to spend my days longing. One thing I know and that brings me so much happiness is that I am loved. I am cared for and my prayers are heard.

The simple I love ya was a simple reminder of how lucky I am to have this little boy to pour all my love and affection on, and that when I do it is returned 10 fold. Now that is something, not nothing.

What I am loving about Fall

Delicious smells. Beautiful fall leaves, I love living so close to the mountains this time of the year. Creamy pumpkin hand soap from Bath and Body works. Metallic gold and bronze spray painted pumpkins. Soups and breads. Crisp air. Perfect temps for outdoor runs and walks. Warm drinks. Deacon wearing his costume every minute of the day (and night!). Silver Lake. Snuggling at night with a movie and warm blankets. The mountain breeze through the kitchen window. College football, NOT! Getting ready for the Holidays. Baking, which reminds me, time for butterscotch crescent rolls! Oatmeal in the morning. School has started for Deacon. Having a candle lit all the time making my house smell perfecto. Oh baby, I love me some fall.

I say hell too often.

This four year old little boy picks up on everything, so it is no surprise that I have heard him say "what the hell?!" more than one time. My personal favorite is when he casually asks me "what is the not naughty word mom?" to which I respond "heck" and then Deacon replies "oh not hell?"
Oh boy.

Let me tell you about all the absolutely adorable things he says in addition to his profanities.

In his primary program a few weeks ago his teacher started to help him say his line, he quickly said "I don't need help!" and then said his part.

I love in the morning when he comes in our room and sings me the good morning song "good morning! good morning! how'd ya get so big!"

I love having Van and Will over on Wednesday afternoons, on one of those afternoons we went on a walk. Will was worn out and did not want to walk anymore so Deacon said "I am Optimus Prime! Grab my hand Will and I will help you!" Also on that walk when Deacon was fed up with Will he kept saying "William Steven Bickmore! Stop it!"

We had a blast visiting my Dad Dana and Abby in Baton Rouge, just yesterday Deacon asked me if we could "please please please go to Grandpa Steve's and have him take me to the park! please!"

We talked about stranger danger the other night so now Deacon knows to yell "that is not my mom, that is not my dad!" if he is ever in a stranger situation. We also taught him a family password in case someone tells him that they are supposed to pick him up or whatever. We told him the password is secret to only mom dad and Deacon. The next morning at breakfast with a bunch of people he proudly said "guess what! Our family password is (blank!)" Ha!

I could go on and on about this boy. I sure do love him.

Boy oh blog

I have been the worst blogger ever. Truly, the worst. Which makes me sad because I really do like keeping a blog especially to keep track of all the funny things Deacon is up to. I have certainly been in a funk this last year but I am realizing that I can not change everything I do not like but I can try my best to be happy in the situation I am in, I have so much to be happy about.

How about some funny/cute things Deacon is doing?

His new favorite thing to say when he is bored or annoyed or whatever is: "But I am skinny" or "I can't I'm too skinny!"

So so so obsessed with Spiderman. He is forming his little hand to shoot webs before he even opens his eyes in the morning.

Deacon is really lovey at night when I tuck him in. He says things like "should I snuggle you?" Or when I try to leave he quickly says " But how about just one more kiss?" And my personal favorite when I say I love you he replies " I love you most"

I love when I ask him a non negotiable question like "ready to brush your teeth?" he responds with a simple "no fanks"

After his second week of swimming lessons he is really comfortable in the pool, he loves to say " I am such a great swimmer"

We called my Dad on his birthday last week and Deacon sang to him, hours later when Curtis came home from work he said "Know what day it is Dad!? It's Grandpa Steve's Batman birthday!!"

At a friends house for dinner I was told Deacon was outside peeing. When I got out there to tell Deacon he needs to come inside when he needs to go potty he smiled proudly and said "no mom! I already did!"

His concept of time is hilarious, " I want to play three more months" or "Let's go in 10 weeks"

The other night my young women were over playing water games in my front yard, we had two slip n slides set up and the neighbors cat was playing on one so we told Deacon to go scare it off. He ran and scared it off and then shouted "Yay! I won the team!"

Deacon could play for hours in the backyard with or without a friend, it is his favorite place to be.

I said to Deacon the other day " I love......." thinking he would fill in the blank with Deacon but instead he shouted "William!" He loves his cousin Will.

One night when Will was over late we were putting some of Deacons jammies on him and Deacon said "Your looking goooooood William!"

Writing all these things down makes me mad at myself that I have not written these things, I think they will be so priceless to me in the future. No more feeling down for this girl! Even if I do not ever have another baby or have any of the other things or experiences I want, I have so much. I have a husband and Deacon that I love more than anything and I have I know I am doing my best. That is enough, I have more than enough.

A boy his dad and a baseball glove

When I got home from young womens the other night Deacon yelled to me from his room "Mom! Come see my new baseball glove!" I walked into his room to see Curtis lying in his bed next to him while he proudly had his (waaaaaay too big but still the smallest size) baseball glove on his little four year old hand. He was so pleased with himself and so enamored by his Dad.

This made me fall a little more in love with both the boy and his Dad. This is the beauty of being a parent is not the baseball glove that the Dad bought but it is the Dad lying next to his son talking shop about baseball and using his glove for his upcoming tee-ball league. It is the Dad taking the little boy to the store for a part for the air conditioning and coming out with a baseball glove. It is the Dad who we had to call the next morning at work to ask him if he knew where the beloved glove was, only to find that he had slid it under the boys mattress to help the glove wear in. This same Dad slid the baseball glove under the mattress again tonight and I am sure this Dad will cheer his boy on in many baseball games over the years.

I love sharing a life with this little family we created. The baseball glove was a simple reminder of how sweet my life is. Happy Fathers day to the Dad and husband we love to the ends of the earth.

Deacon is four. Wowza. I can not believe it was four years ago that I first held him and looked at his sweet face and tiny body. This kid is THE best. I spend my day laughing and smiling at the crazy stuff he comes up with.

Some of my favorite things about this boy:

He loves to play outside, our next door neighbor is a little boy Mason who is one year older. Deacon will go outside and yell "Mason! Mason!" over and over again until Mason comes running out of his house and then they play forever. I just peek out the window every so often and see them happily playing.

Deacon is constantly saying to me "is that a deal mom? Is that a deal?" I love it. Makes me laugh every time.

Sometimes he pretends that he is going through a drive through and this is what he orders: "a large diet coke with fresh lime and a chocolate kids cone" hmmmm seems like we have a habit he and I.

Whenever he is hungry he opens the fridge for a string cheese a couple strawberries or a apple. I consistently find a apple with 6 bites out of it every other day or so.

Deacon is not especially cheerful in the morning, sometimes he wakes up in a terrible mood. When this happens I tell him I will not talk to him until he is happy, he then pouts and a minute or so later he says " I am happy now!" and he musters up a fake smile proving his happiness. Pretty funny.

I love the way he says girl: grill. He said to the girls at my work the other day "Hey Grills! Take it easy!"

All of Deacons friends are "his" my Will or my Thomas or my Owen. I think it is so darling.

It is becoming clearer every day how fast time is going, I wish I could stop right now and do the last four year all over again. I try to really love on him every chance I get. Words can not say how I feel about my Deacon. Being his mom is absolutely thrilling. Happy happy birthday Deacon, I am your biggest fan.

a birthday banner for my birthday boy

My boy turns four on Sunday. I can not even wrap my head around that. I am always trying to come up with ideas to make birthdays and holidays special and fun for my family, if they cost zero dollars even better! We are not really having any party for Deacon this year but I still wanted to have some fun in the air. And I wanted to celebrate all week!

I gathered up all sorts of cute pictures of Deacon through his 4 years, I always love looking back at all the sweet pictures and moments of his life.

I rigged up this little banner of pictures and added a few little notes about how I feel about that boy of mine. He was so excited to see his birthday banner, he commented on how cute the tiny baby was, when Curt came home from work he was so excited to show his dad. I want to sit in my living room all day and admire my sweet boy who is so big now! Compliments to Angie for all the photography, does anyone print off candid photos anymore?? Happy birthday week to my lovely Deacon.

The inconvienient nap

It has happened to every mom, when your kid falls asleep at the worst possible time. Today was Easter, sugar mania. We had a big fun day of church, easter dinner and some easter egg hunting and playing with the new playdough the Easter bunny brought. By the time things had calmed down Deacon laid on my bed and his little eyelids look mighty heavy. Yup 6:00 and the boy is drifting to sleep.

Now I have a choice. I can:

A) close my eyes ma self!

B) bribe him to wake up with ice cream cones! trips to the park! going to his cousins Wills' house!

C) contemplate putting him in bed for the night, will he sleep the night through??

D) Pick up his sweet tired little body wrap it in a blanket and snuggle him within a inch of his life.

What would you choose? I chose D and it was oh so good. I laid down with him on the couch and smelled his skin and kissed his cheeks, all the things my almost 4 year old does not really let me do. I snuggled him and thought about things that are weighing heavy on my heart and my mind, suddenly I felt lighter and more peaceful. After my 15 minutes of snuggling I woke Deacon up with the promise of riding his bike around the block (!) So I suppose the nap actually came and the exact right time. Happy Easter one and all!

Running away

A few months ago I was feeling down and out. I had just had my third miscarriage and I was feeling so discouraged with my body. I hated feeling such sad thoughts about myself and I needed to do something that would make me love my body and myself more. Cheesy? Maybe, but necessary for my sanity.

I decided that I would run the Salt Lake city 1/2 marathon. I had five weeks to train and was probably crazy. Somehow the training really came together. I was able to work up to 10 miles with no injury or mishaps. While doing my long runs I thought a lot about my body and what it had been through. I found myself often times feeling so thankful for the body I have and for the ability to do things like run. Also a few prayers of thanks were said during the long quiet runs.

If you do not like to run it is hard to understand the desire to run 13.1 miles. Curtis will always think I am crazy for doing it, I feel crazy around mile ten, but finishing is one of the best feelings imaginable.

The race was fantastic, awesome course and I loved seeing so many people out running. My friend Jenny met me at mile 6 I was so grateful. Knowing that I had someone cheering me on was a huge motivator. And I got to ditch my jacket on her, thanks Jenny! And then seeing Kris my sister in law run and give me a big hug at the end was so fun! She is a great running partner even if she smokes me!

Of all the things I want to be or do in my life a runner is a big one, I am working on it! And I love my body for helping me become all the things I want to be.

So long farewell!

Kallin is moving to Texas, boo hoo! I will miss my MAC bff and bake off challenger. Love you!

When life gives you lemons

you make lemonade right? So what the hell do you do with a million oranges?? A girl in my neighborhood was selling oranges for a fundraiser so I bought the smallest amount offered which was still a ton for my little family. Even after giving a bunch to my friend I still had so many oranges.

Tonight after dinner I was faced with a perfectly clean house and time on my hands, that is when the sweet tooth and the domestic craziness comes out in me. I pondered the ingredients needed for a million different treats compared to the ingredients on hand, things were not looking good. But what I did have is a bazillion oranges.

So I have this fantastic cookbook that Kira, Curt's sister and Sharon my mother in law put together a few years ago for Christmas. One of my favorite features is that on the bottom of most recipes it has a little quip like "this is great made with left over potatos, but with Grandpa around that does not happen often!" Or "Kira's very favorite, a little more work but worth the extra effort!"

I remembered in my beloved cookbook the recipe for ORANGE cookies! Made with fresh squeezed orange juice. Like a sugar cookie but much lighter and softer. Then you top it off with frosting made with more fresh squeezed orange juice. Now I am not saying I improved on the frosting by adding 2 tablespoons cream cheese, but you be the judge. They were the perfect ending to a pretty good Saturday.

Anytime Deacon hears that kitchenaid mixing he comes running. Tonight he asked what I was making I told him cookies, he gasped and said "oh deeeelcious!" So Kira when you update the cookbook add my name next to yours as my favorite.

Lucky number seven

Our anniversary is usually right in line with a vacation of some sort, which always makes for a good picture for my happy anniversary post. Usually Curt is missing a tooth or has a black eye so I figured us being totally sweaty would be peeeerfect.

I suppose like a missing tooth a black eye or a sweaty picture our marriage and life together is totally imperfect. Throughout all the hard things we have gone through in seven years (which is not much, we are so grateful) I have been so glad the person I have by my side is Curtis.

Though I hope the next seven years are without black eyes, missing front teeth (please do not bring back hillbilly husband!) I will except them with open arms if it also means what these last years have meant: laughter, excitement and happiness.

Happy anniversary Curtis, I love you I love you I love you, that's all I need to say.

Nothing says vacation like

Curtis doing something weird to his face.

Cinderelly Cinderelly

I am feeling a little blue, I will spare you the details but I just feel down. We are a equal opportunity household therefore Deacon likes any and all Disney movies including Cinderella. I laid down with him for a bit to watch it today. He particularly loves when the little mice make the dress for Cinderelly, I personally like her cheery disposition.



The opening scene if you remember shows Cinderella getting ready for the day singing, I got real tears when she sings "no matter how your heart is grieving if you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true" ladies and gentleman real tears during Cinderella.



It reminded me of one of my favorite NieNie posts.

Then I remembered I am blessed, loved and that I do have faith in my dreams (and in lots of others things, this also makes me happy). So as Cinderella said "have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through, no matter how your heart is grieving if you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true." That sounds good to me.

Read me here

You guys, my friend Amy is amazing. She has dedicated this last little bit on her blog to body awareness. Such inspirational posts! I awas delighted that she let me write up a little ditty for the occasion. You can read what I wrote HERE so head over take a look around, I just know you will love her blog just as I do.

p.s. If you go read it you will see a really awesome picture of me. Just saying.

Sugar pie Honey Bunch

You know I love you! I can't help myself, no really I can't help myself. Holidays and special occasions really bring out the spaz in me. And you know what? I like it! Valentines day was no exception, what a great holiday. Cute decorations, love in the air and telling people you love how you feel about them. Deacon starting off the day with his buddy Thomas drinking pink drinks out of valentine straws.

Is this soup the number one most darling thing EVER?? I know I know I am nuts, those noodles are handmade and delicious. And I cut those carrots out with a teensy tiny cookie cutter. Deacon thought it was the coolest dinner. Curt thought I had lost my mind.

Love is having a husband who accepts a two pack of beef jerky from costco for his valentine. And actually does not just accept it, loves it. I love that Curtis is not materialistic at all.

My favorite thing I did yesterday was make up this little Valentine garland with pictures of my family, I love all these pictures and it was fun to dig them up. I am keeping this up the rest of the month. It just makes me feel so lovey. And so what if I hung crepe paper for just my little family, its the little things people! And I already admit, I am a spaz!

This little valentine boy is what love is.

Happy to be in this family, happy to be in love, happy to celebrate valentines with my little family.

funnnnnnneeeeee

We got Deacon a little read along toy story book for Valentines day. He loved it. While flipping through the pages with him we asked him if the guy pictured below is Al from Al's toy barn, he responded:

No, that's Grandpa Steve! Ah ha ha ha!

fireplace

What is it about a fireplace? I love everything about it, the fire in it the mantle around it and the warm cozy feeling coming from it. The fireplace is on my favorite things about this little bungalow we call home.

Lately when we have been out and about Deacon will get nervous that I will not be able to find our way home. When we pull up to our house he always praises me "Yay! You found our house!" That boy sure has a way of making me feel good about myself.

Like when I am having a down day and we decide to make a fire in our beloved fireplace and he sits next to me and says "you wanna hold my hand? you are my sweetheart" I have decided the best thing about being a mother is being that person for someone. The person who finds our house when you think you are lost forever, the person that makes you a cozy fireplace when you feel down or tells you that you are their sweetheart.

And the even better part of being a mom is that sometimes Deacon does all those things for me.

cold weather gives me the gimmies

Does this happen to anyone else?

I am so cold I need to go somewhere warm, like a cozy movie theater.
I am so cold I can not possibly cook dinner, I better get some cafe rio tortilla soup.
I am so cold, if I put up Valentines decor I will feel cheery and cozy.
I need to buy some more decor to really feel valentiney. (and warm)
I bet if I had another rug on my hardwood floors I would not be so cold.
I need to go to Old navy and look for a new bikini top for my trip to Hawaii on which I will not be cold.
I wish I had thicker cozier socks to make my feet warmer.
Ooooh a freshly baked treat would warm me up, but I probably should just buy it from Great Harvest, too cold too bake.
It is so freakin cold.
Why do I feel the need to spend money when it is cold. I gotta look into this.
I wonder if it is warm in Hobby Lobby or Roberts crafts?
Cleaning my house will probably warm me up, HA!
Everyone: it is way too cold today.

Happy Birthday to this beard.

This bearded man is 33. Wowza. His birthday is always a little bit tricky for me. I love birthdays and am a spaz. Curt is happy just having his favorite meal (skiers stew, a cute name for man stew aka beef stew) and buying his own gift (an all you can fly pass on Jet Blue for the month of September last year) so I have learned to take it easy on his birthday.
Buuuuuuuuuuuut, that does not mean I can't write whatever I want on here about him. Take that!

For a girl (me, duh.) who has a lot to say most of the time I am at a loss as to what to say about Curtis. Alls I know is: I would not what to know a life without him as my number one. Happy birthday Curtis you are the bomb.com And that phrase is my birthday gift to you.

The bus.

when did it stop being exciting to ride public transportation?
If you still ride public transportation then thank you for doing your part. Do you think it is exciting? Or do you just do it because you are doing your part, you know for the world and stuff?

Yesterday when I walked in the door after being gone all day I was greeted with this "Maaaaaaooooooooom! The bus never came!"
So I asked Curt what this meant, he preceded to tell me that while they were waiting for a small car repair to be done for a hour or so he was going to take Deacon on a bus ride to the pet store to look at puppies rats and such. (the location: Bird World in Bountiful. Have you been there? puppy MANIA!) So the two of them waited and waited but that darn bus never did come.


So they walked and walked and walked. Like pioneer children except without the singing while they walked. Walked at least 1.5 miles to the pet store. And back.

Don't you think it is funny that after a day full of puppies rats etc. that I was greeted with a sad face and the statement that the bus never came?

My friends, would you rather snuggle a puppy or ride a bus?

p.s. I am eating too many subway sandwiches because I wanted to write my sandwich post again! What!? I realized all I want to say is that I hate sloppy sandwiches. My friend Laura worked at a sandwich place and she told me she loved making perfect sandwiches, I like perfect snadwiches. My uncle Jack owns like 4 thousand Subways and I am the only child lucky enough to escape working there, but I bet I would make pefect sandwiches (type A you know)

Sandwich Artistry.

I just started writing a post about subway sandwiches, then blogger kicked me off. Was it a sign? Was I just about to become my Grandpa and write a paragraph about my distrust for dentists? Am I losing my mind?

Probably.

Has anyone ever asked you if you are a type A personality or type B? Do you find yourself being really one or the other?

I am all over the place. But let me tell you this, I have a little bit of A and a little bit of B. I love to check things of a list (A) I like my glass cupboards in my kitchen to have perfectly stacked bowls in perfect colors (A) I rarely get enough sleep and can get sucked in to a show, blog or movie so easily (B) I can easily ditch any plans I have to do something way more exciting (B) I think I am a really meticulous makeup artist (A) I like running on a treadmill more than outside so I know exactly how far and fast I ran (A) I am absolutely not a perfectionist (B) I tend to overdo Holiday decorating and get carried away (B) I make my bed every single day (A) for three weeks (B)

Is there even such a thing as a type B personality? Or is it just right brain left brain? Or is it the color theory, you know like your a white a yellow or a red? I always come out a red when I take those dumb tests, which pisses me off. Which just proves I really am a red.

What color letter or brain are you? And which is the best?

PS. now are you curious about what I wanted to tell you about Subway???

Here comes the sun.

All us Utahns do it. Like big fat idiots we convince ourselves Spring will be here any minute, all of this convincing takes place in January and February. And then it snows on Easter. Do not get me wrong I like the snow in November and December, it is all cozy and exciting, the holidays are right around the corner.

Then there is January. Blah. And it is even my birthday month! Sad! So today in the car I was driving and I asked Deacon what song he wanted to hear. Sometimes he picks really cute stuff like a Pearl Jam song or recently he has been requesting a Band of horses song. His music snob parents eat this shiz up.

So I ask him and he requests, here comes the sun. By the Beatles. How does he know this song I ask? Oh just from The Bee Movie (remember the one Jerry Seinfeld did? pretty cute). I was so taken aback by his cuteness as I played the song and he sang along "its alright!" And then I remembered one of my favorite Pearl Jam lyrics "No matter how cold the winter theres a springtime ahead" then I felt a tiny bit of my winter blues slip away, just a little.

How are you kicking the winter blues where it counts?

Thing is.

My Grandpa Bick does not hear very well, kind of not at all unless you are speaking at an outrageous volume. This made for some fantastic conversation between Deacon and Grandpa.
Deacon: "Grandpa John, I got a puzzle!"
G.John: "Now what Deacon?"
Deacon: " I got a puzzle!"
G. John: What are you sayin'?"
Me and my bro. Walker simultaneously: "He is saying he has a puzzle!" 90% louder than Deacon.
The best thing about staying at my Grandparents in St. George is that obtained a copy of his personal history he wrote. Seriously, this personal history is so awesome (and hilarious) my favorite paragraph of the whole thing? The one where he expresses his distrust for Dentists. Gosh I love my Grandpa.

A date.

You guys, we went on a date. It was a real true date. We do not do that enough. The best part was that I got to laugh and remember how hilarious Curtis is. My favorite quote of the night was when we saw a crazy Rocker lady, Curt said "I want to ask that lady her zodiac sign, I bet its a leo she looks like a lion" she really did.
I just wanted to go out to dinner, my only request was that we go somewhere with bread on the table, after carefully counting calories all week I wanted to fat it up on my free day. And I did, creme brulee and all.
I have been trying to eat less meat, like only one meal a week. It has been a interesting experience, Curt is sick of soups. I really like brussel sprouts. Deacon learned he likes potatoes, he has hated them forever, after I made him gag them down (truly gag) he says he likes them. Do not be fooled though, he of course loves french fries. But don't we all?

p.s. do you think my lipstick is cool? all the other cool mom bloggers wear dark lipstick, I hope you guys think I am cool. Lord knows I have enough lipsticks to kill a man.

I am loved.

I always assumed the way to tell how loved you are is through baked goods, am I wrong? This year on my birthday I felt real loved because I had a lot of baked love. Please take note of the frosting colors, can you handle it? I barely could. Laura knows my love all of all things tasty and adorable and she delivered on my birthday boy howdy.

Did you know we also like to dress like twins on my birthday?

Ladies and gentleman, this is a Neapolitan cake. A real life chocolate strawberry and vanilla cake, from scratch. If you do not have a Kallin in your life, I am sorry.

Here is the man himself who took the time to dream up this masterpiece and make it for little old me. If that is not love I am not sure what love is.

My dad made me a cake on my actual birthday. Now that is a real treat, I do not think my dad has made me a cake in like 15 years. It was yellow cake with chocolate frosting which believe it or not is my very favorite. Even though this cake is only two layers and I requested ten I still felt very loved.

And let us not forget: my mother made me a full meal with every single thing I requested and it was perfect.
Go bake something and give it to someone you love. You need my address?

about a boy.

Deacon. Boy howdy. What a kid. I need to write (type) more of the funny things he says. He is getting big, is really energetic and funny things are constantly coming out of his mouth. Want to hear some of my personal favorites? Ok.

He loves the movie snow white and thinks the song Heigh Ho! goes like this: I home I home its off to home I go (and then does a fake whistle) pretty cute.

Whenever Curt and I have any kind of conversation that is even a touch heated he yells "hey! prayer time!" hilarious.

Reads his own version of the Dr. Suess books he got for Christmas from my Dad and Dana.

Loves his cousin Will so much, and his baby cousin Van. Anytime they are around he is happy.

Is craaaaazy for puzzles. Teh puzzle pieces all over the house make me craaaazy.

Walker and I went to St. George after the Holidays to see my Grandparents and hang with my Dad and Dana. He was excellent in the car hardly said a word the whole 4 hour drive. When we pulled up to their house he hopped out of the car and said "that was a fuuuuuuuuuuuun trip!"

Hope I can find it in my heart to update this little ole blog more often. We will see.

Oh 2010 I can not decide to love you or hate you.

So did we like 2010? What is the consensus?

No huge milestones this year but lots of good things. Deacon is hilarious and nuts oh and also a puzzle genius no joke, the kid put together and 150 piece puzzle. Seriously. That is some serious business.

Curtis works hard for the money and vacations like he means it. If only finding sweet vacation deals was his job, like a travel agent! He should be a travel agent!

I cook, I eat too much and I did a lot of rad things this year. I would like to do cooler things this year, maybe win a contest of some sort.

I forgot that I really like to blog, I like to keep a record of what the shiz we do with our lives. Cause it really is a pretty great life.

2010 brought some great things and a couple bummers. But I am thankful, I am looked out for. I have amazing family and the ultimate friends. I can not feel sorry for myself too long ever really because in the big picture I am lucky lucky lucky to be the mom wife and human being I am.

Lets make it a good year.