In a blink

Time is going by fast, each day that goes by puts me closer to a whole new life. A life I prayed really hard for, a new baby that has been much wanted and anticipated, but you already knew that.

 While we really love our neighborhood and Deacon loves all his little friends, he is right in between two age groups. I felt sad that he would be going to kindergarten all by himself with no friends his own age.

I kept praying for kids to move into our neighborhood so he could have a friend in his class. Over the summer a new family moved in, with a little girl just Deacons age! And for the cherry on top the mom was expecting a baby just a month earlier than me! I was so happy and thankful.

Just last week that same mom gave birth to a still born baby boy at 39 weeks. While I am planning and packing a hospital suitcase, she is burying her sweet baby.

It is an unfair world isn't it? With each trial comes a lesson, not just for the one who is directly dealing with the trial, but I believe, that there is something to be learned for each person involved. My belief is that with a prayer answered can also come a chance to answer anothers prayer. While I am sure I am not the direct answer to a prayer I do believe that I can serve others, that I can be a better mother that I can do more with the one wild and precious life that I am given.

As I bring a precious daughter into this world I hope that I can teach her how precious her life is, how lucky she is to be here and to make sure she always knows how lucky I feel to have her.

It's crunch time.

I can not believe I once looked like the above photo! I am exactly twice as far along now as I was in that picture, I need to post another photo because I believe I am double in size as well. I can not believe that in roughly 5 or 6 weeks I will not be pregnant anymore but will have a new baby at home.

The last month or so I have been able to check some things off my lists. I am super lucky to have talented and helpful friends. This baby is going to have a very cute nursery. I have a couple showers coming up, I am excited and feel really blessed to have so many people in my life who love me.

My pregnancy has been pretty great overall, the last few weeks I have had horrible braxton hicks contractions, I never had that with Deacon so it has been a weird experience. I just have to remember to take a break and lay down when they come on. Those contractions have a great way of reminding me just how much crap I still have to do!

I definitely feel myself frantically trying to spend time with Deacon, constantly telling him how much I love him. The other night when I was laying in bed with him before he fell asleep I told him (for the 1,003493577339332th time) that when the new baby comes I will still love him SO much, even MORE than I love him now probably! And he just said "I KNOW mom" I really hope I have done my job to show Deacon that I love him more than anything in the world. I always laugh when I recall when I was a kid probably 8 or 9 years old I was looking at myself in the mirror and thought to myself "I really am so pretty!" this was all because my parents had constantly built me up and the world had not made me feel otherwise quite yet.  I hope I have done the same for Deacon.

One thing is for sure, I will miss feeling this baby move all around in my tummy. If this happens to be my last baby I know for sure that I have enjoyed this pregancy to the max.

Lately

SO many things to report! Here is the family rundown: Deacon: Started kindergarten, what! I know! It came too soon for me too but he loves it. The morning of his first day I made him pancakes and cried my eyes out when I realized that I will never get him to myself all day everyday again. I am so so thankful that I have had the chance to be with him so much. He really is my best friend and a sweet boy. He also went on a trip to me Louisiana to visit my Dad and Dana, we did so many things. I also learned that he is a lego prodigy when it took me two full hours to put together a 65 piece lego set and it took him twenty minutes. He spends all his spare time wiggling his first loose tooth. Someone please stop time.

Curtis: Is SO crazy. One of the things I love about him is his confidence and desire to learn new things. He took on the project of re-roofing our house, he has youtubed, read online, picked brains and enlisted advice from every Home Depot employee and in the process learned how to roof saving us oh, 10 grand or so. Our house is a nightmare right now but I am so proud of him. I love Curtis. He felt baby girl kick last night and it was so awesome. He is also playing Fantasy Football in more leagues than I should know about and trying to finish this roof project mainly so NFL Sunday ticket can be back up and running. He is also the best trip deal finder on the planet earth. I am so glad he knows how happy it makes me to go visit my Dad and Dana and is always looking for ways to make that happen for me.

Me: I can not believe it is already mid September and I do not have my Halloween decor up yet! I told my friend Lindsay and she said "you are like two months late!" she knows me well. I had a great summer, fun youth conference at Utah State, Girls camp, Disneyland, trip to Island Park with my oldest, best girlfriends, Louisiana and a Vegas trip in the future. Got to get my travels out of my system before I am homebound for awhile. I am still working at Shabby Apple which is fun. I am getting really excited to decorate a nursery and also for Christmas! I am really looking forward to bringing a new baby home to a cozy Christmas bungalow. I love my little old house and I love it more with each improvement we make. I could honestly stay here forever.

Babe: Is growing and growing with my huge belly as evidence. Has already made our family so happy. Deacon loves to tell me all the brilliant names he thinks we should use, my favorites? Linda, Tyla, Syla, Sally and Felicia. What do you guys think? Linda Leasure? I sometimes still can not believe that I get to care for another baby. I learned so much about prayer these last couple years. I also learned that I am NEVER alone, never. I can not wait until this baby is old enough that I can explain how loved and wanted she is.

Summer of bikinis and grilled cheese

Can I just say, this is the best summer so far. Deacon is swimming like a fish, I am supposed to be fat in a swimsuit and any time we feel like taking a nap in the middle of the day we can!

At the pool today I found myself comparing this summer to next summer. This summer I am eating grilled cheeses poolside and watching Deacon practice the breaststroke. NEXT summer I will be shading a baby from the sun and prooooooobably eating a lean piece of grilled chicken, ha!

That is the beauty in waiting for something you really want, I find myself basking in every minute of this summer with my favorite person in the world. How crazy is it that next summer I will have two kids to love and soak up every minute of?

One thing is for sure, I am pretty sure I will not be posting any bikini pics next summer.

I like

Just some things of note:

I like: freshly washed sheets and bedding, especially crisp white sheets.
I dislike: the flu, yuck. The flu took over our house this week, first Deacon, then me and a couple days later just to tease us, Curtis, say a quick prayer it does not hit Duke.
I like: swimming when it is hot. I realize I do not love the heat unless I am by a pool and then I LOVE it.
I like: watching Deacon swim like a little fish each time saying "I bet this will make you proud!" before swimming to me.
I dislike: The flu in the summertime. The flu is terrible always but I am here to tell you, the flu in the summer is the absolute WORST.
I like: Being pregnant.
I Dislike: Curtis saying this is our last baby, what does he know?
I like: Peach Fresca, also Black Cherry Fresca. Holy cow.
I like: Vacations. I wanna go somewhere.
I like: The house two doors down from me. Would it be weird to move two doors down?
I dislike: The new restaurant at the City Creek nordstrom. Speaking as someone who ate a shiz load of meals at the nordstrom cafe (old fashion place) the nordstrom bistro (new fashion place) the original nordstrom cafe has the best food of all three by a long shot.
I like: The pistachio chicken salad at the nordstrom cafe!
I like: Parks and Rec. even better than 30 Rock, and that is saying a lot.
I like: Pineapple, watermelon and anything fresh tasting.
I dislike: not blogging.
I like: that it took me waaaay longer to think of dislikes than it did likes. I am happy.

Dreams that are big

Each time I go on vacation I come home with memories and links to unexpected things. For instance I always associate fresh pineapple to Hawaii (of course) or windy, cold weather takes me back to Scotland and eating too much that I get a stomach ache puts me at any cabin. Music I would not normally listen to reminds me of visiting my Dad.

Last time Deacon and I went to Louisiana I listened to lots of my Dads music and came home with a few songs I would never listen to on my own. Curtis DIES whenever he hears one of these said songs.

One night a few months ago I had just left the gym and I felt like driving for a little before heading home. I felt low, I was feeling desperate. One of these songs came on my ipod and I. was. a. mess

"And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big."

and then I said a prayer and let myself dream. Two weeks later my dream came true.

The business of getting a baby

Wishing I had all the right words to say, I wish I could properly express all the different emotions I feel. I keep writing and rewriting this post, realizing it is not as easy as it seems it should be.

This little family of mine is about to get bigger. We are having a baby in December. Can you believe it? I don't think I have stopped pinching myself since I saw the tiny word pregnant on the test 11 weeks ago.  To say we are thrilled would not even do it justice. Deacon asked me the other day "is the baby having so much fun in your belly? when I was a baby I had soooo much fun in your belly" he is going to be the best brother.

It probably seems strange that it is so hard to share such happy, happy news. The thing is, I know the pain and the heartbreak all too well of losing babies and not getting the babies you desire. I want to always be careful in my choice of words, my attitude towards pregnancy and in expressing my compassion to those who wait for the thing they desire so deeply.

There is also the fear that I have to daily put in check. I try to whisper calm, positive pregnancy thoughts to my belly everyday, telling this baby how happy I am they are in there.

I have been so blessed. Beyond words really. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of modern medicine. And most of all I believe in the power of listening to the still small voice that has helped me know when to rely on which of the two.

We are so happy.