Wishlist

Gwenyth PEARL Leasure

6 pounds 13 ounces

19 inches long

 

Here she is, the babe of my dreams. The baby I prayed, hoped, wished and longed for. The fact that she is here now is still hard to wrap my mind around, all throughout the day I look at her and thank my Heavenly Father for this most precious gift.

 

The days leading up to her arrival were some of the longest days. My sweet doctor told me on Tuesday at my appt. that "the baby could come any minute now!" I took that to heart and expected her to truly come any minute. The silver lining about the waiting on eggshells was that Curtis and I talked a lot about her coming, made plans, said prayers and had conversations that are some of the special we have ever had in our marriage, ones I will treasure always.

 

SO, on Thursday night late when the contractions started I did not really believe it, but eventually we made it to the hospital Friday morning around 4 am. I think the nurse wanted to send me on home but luckily after walking around for 30 minutes my labor had progressed enough for me to stay and have a baby, yay!

 

The next couple hours was filled with slow progression, we did not tell anyone we were at the hospital, it was our fun little secret.

 

By 10 am I had progressed to a 10 and was ready to push, Dr. Terry was awesome enough to wait around after his shift to deliver the baby, once he came down to labor and delivery I was ready to push.

 

This was the part Curtis and I both dreaded, I pushed for 45 minutes with Deacon and it was HARD. I was anticipating a long hard period of pushing. The labor and delivery nurse was so wonderful and Dr. Terry was awesome. Push once, twice three times and one soft push and she was out. They put her on my chest and I was so overwhelmed, I just cried my eyes out. I looked up to Curtis and he was crying too. I knew that he felt as I felt, we had waited so long for you baby, and here you are.

 

If you know Curtis at all you know his love for the band Pearl Jam runs deep. When baby Gwenyth was born on Pearl Harbor day it just felt very fitting to name her middle name Pearl.

 

When we drove Deacon home from the hospital Curtis had a special song picked out to listen to on the way home, it was of course a Pearl Jam song and whenever I hear it now it reminds me of that sweet memory.

 

The song he chose for our sweet baby girl was Pearl Jams Wishlist. These lines are my favorite:

 

I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on
I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on
I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down

I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned up
I wish...

 

One thing I wished for was this baby. If no other wishes I have in life come true that is just fine. This wish was THE wish and we are so thrilled it came true.

 

Welcome to the world Gwennie Babe.

In a blink

Time is going by fast, each day that goes by puts me closer to a whole new life. A life I prayed really hard for, a new baby that has been much wanted and anticipated, but you already knew that.

 While we really love our neighborhood and Deacon loves all his little friends, he is right in between two age groups. I felt sad that he would be going to kindergarten all by himself with no friends his own age.

I kept praying for kids to move into our neighborhood so he could have a friend in his class. Over the summer a new family moved in, with a little girl just Deacons age! And for the cherry on top the mom was expecting a baby just a month earlier than me! I was so happy and thankful.

Just last week that same mom gave birth to a still born baby boy at 39 weeks. While I am planning and packing a hospital suitcase, she is burying her sweet baby.

It is an unfair world isn't it? With each trial comes a lesson, not just for the one who is directly dealing with the trial, but I believe, that there is something to be learned for each person involved. My belief is that with a prayer answered can also come a chance to answer anothers prayer. While I am sure I am not the direct answer to a prayer I do believe that I can serve others, that I can be a better mother that I can do more with the one wild and precious life that I am given.

As I bring a precious daughter into this world I hope that I can teach her how precious her life is, how lucky she is to be here and to make sure she always knows how lucky I feel to have her.

It's crunch time.

I can not believe I once looked like the above photo! I am exactly twice as far along now as I was in that picture, I need to post another photo because I believe I am double in size as well. I can not believe that in roughly 5 or 6 weeks I will not be pregnant anymore but will have a new baby at home.

The last month or so I have been able to check some things off my lists. I am super lucky to have talented and helpful friends. This baby is going to have a very cute nursery. I have a couple showers coming up, I am excited and feel really blessed to have so many people in my life who love me.

My pregnancy has been pretty great overall, the last few weeks I have had horrible braxton hicks contractions, I never had that with Deacon so it has been a weird experience. I just have to remember to take a break and lay down when they come on. Those contractions have a great way of reminding me just how much crap I still have to do!

I definitely feel myself frantically trying to spend time with Deacon, constantly telling him how much I love him. The other night when I was laying in bed with him before he fell asleep I told him (for the 1,003493577339332th time) that when the new baby comes I will still love him SO much, even MORE than I love him now probably! And he just said "I KNOW mom" I really hope I have done my job to show Deacon that I love him more than anything in the world. I always laugh when I recall when I was a kid probably 8 or 9 years old I was looking at myself in the mirror and thought to myself "I really am so pretty!" this was all because my parents had constantly built me up and the world had not made me feel otherwise quite yet.  I hope I have done the same for Deacon.

One thing is for sure, I will miss feeling this baby move all around in my tummy. If this happens to be my last baby I know for sure that I have enjoyed this pregancy to the max.

Lately

SO many things to report! Here is the family rundown: Deacon: Started kindergarten, what! I know! It came too soon for me too but he loves it. The morning of his first day I made him pancakes and cried my eyes out when I realized that I will never get him to myself all day everyday again. I am so so thankful that I have had the chance to be with him so much. He really is my best friend and a sweet boy. He also went on a trip to me Louisiana to visit my Dad and Dana, we did so many things. I also learned that he is a lego prodigy when it took me two full hours to put together a 65 piece lego set and it took him twenty minutes. He spends all his spare time wiggling his first loose tooth. Someone please stop time.

Curtis: Is SO crazy. One of the things I love about him is his confidence and desire to learn new things. He took on the project of re-roofing our house, he has youtubed, read online, picked brains and enlisted advice from every Home Depot employee and in the process learned how to roof saving us oh, 10 grand or so. Our house is a nightmare right now but I am so proud of him. I love Curtis. He felt baby girl kick last night and it was so awesome. He is also playing Fantasy Football in more leagues than I should know about and trying to finish this roof project mainly so NFL Sunday ticket can be back up and running. He is also the best trip deal finder on the planet earth. I am so glad he knows how happy it makes me to go visit my Dad and Dana and is always looking for ways to make that happen for me.

Me: I can not believe it is already mid September and I do not have my Halloween decor up yet! I told my friend Lindsay and she said "you are like two months late!" she knows me well. I had a great summer, fun youth conference at Utah State, Girls camp, Disneyland, trip to Island Park with my oldest, best girlfriends, Louisiana and a Vegas trip in the future. Got to get my travels out of my system before I am homebound for awhile. I am still working at Shabby Apple which is fun. I am getting really excited to decorate a nursery and also for Christmas! I am really looking forward to bringing a new baby home to a cozy Christmas bungalow. I love my little old house and I love it more with each improvement we make. I could honestly stay here forever.

Babe: Is growing and growing with my huge belly as evidence. Has already made our family so happy. Deacon loves to tell me all the brilliant names he thinks we should use, my favorites? Linda, Tyla, Syla, Sally and Felicia. What do you guys think? Linda Leasure? I sometimes still can not believe that I get to care for another baby. I learned so much about prayer these last couple years. I also learned that I am NEVER alone, never. I can not wait until this baby is old enough that I can explain how loved and wanted she is.

Summer of bikinis and grilled cheese

Can I just say, this is the best summer so far. Deacon is swimming like a fish, I am supposed to be fat in a swimsuit and any time we feel like taking a nap in the middle of the day we can!

At the pool today I found myself comparing this summer to next summer. This summer I am eating grilled cheeses poolside and watching Deacon practice the breaststroke. NEXT summer I will be shading a baby from the sun and prooooooobably eating a lean piece of grilled chicken, ha!

That is the beauty in waiting for something you really want, I find myself basking in every minute of this summer with my favorite person in the world. How crazy is it that next summer I will have two kids to love and soak up every minute of?

One thing is for sure, I am pretty sure I will not be posting any bikini pics next summer.

I like

Just some things of note:

I like: freshly washed sheets and bedding, especially crisp white sheets.
I dislike: the flu, yuck. The flu took over our house this week, first Deacon, then me and a couple days later just to tease us, Curtis, say a quick prayer it does not hit Duke.
I like: swimming when it is hot. I realize I do not love the heat unless I am by a pool and then I LOVE it.
I like: watching Deacon swim like a little fish each time saying "I bet this will make you proud!" before swimming to me.
I dislike: The flu in the summertime. The flu is terrible always but I am here to tell you, the flu in the summer is the absolute WORST.
I like: Being pregnant.
I Dislike: Curtis saying this is our last baby, what does he know?
I like: Peach Fresca, also Black Cherry Fresca. Holy cow.
I like: Vacations. I wanna go somewhere.
I like: The house two doors down from me. Would it be weird to move two doors down?
I dislike: The new restaurant at the City Creek nordstrom. Speaking as someone who ate a shiz load of meals at the nordstrom cafe (old fashion place) the nordstrom bistro (new fashion place) the original nordstrom cafe has the best food of all three by a long shot.
I like: The pistachio chicken salad at the nordstrom cafe!
I like: Parks and Rec. even better than 30 Rock, and that is saying a lot.
I like: Pineapple, watermelon and anything fresh tasting.
I dislike: not blogging.
I like: that it took me waaaay longer to think of dislikes than it did likes. I am happy.

Dreams that are big

Each time I go on vacation I come home with memories and links to unexpected things. For instance I always associate fresh pineapple to Hawaii (of course) or windy, cold weather takes me back to Scotland and eating too much that I get a stomach ache puts me at any cabin. Music I would not normally listen to reminds me of visiting my Dad.

Last time Deacon and I went to Louisiana I listened to lots of my Dads music and came home with a few songs I would never listen to on my own. Curtis DIES whenever he hears one of these said songs.

One night a few months ago I had just left the gym and I felt like driving for a little before heading home. I felt low, I was feeling desperate. One of these songs came on my ipod and I. was. a. mess

"And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big."

and then I said a prayer and let myself dream. Two weeks later my dream came true.

The business of getting a baby

Wishing I had all the right words to say, I wish I could properly express all the different emotions I feel. I keep writing and rewriting this post, realizing it is not as easy as it seems it should be.

This little family of mine is about to get bigger. We are having a baby in December. Can you believe it? I don't think I have stopped pinching myself since I saw the tiny word pregnant on the test 11 weeks ago.  To say we are thrilled would not even do it justice. Deacon asked me the other day "is the baby having so much fun in your belly? when I was a baby I had soooo much fun in your belly" he is going to be the best brother.

It probably seems strange that it is so hard to share such happy, happy news. The thing is, I know the pain and the heartbreak all too well of losing babies and not getting the babies you desire. I want to always be careful in my choice of words, my attitude towards pregnancy and in expressing my compassion to those who wait for the thing they desire so deeply.

There is also the fear that I have to daily put in check. I try to whisper calm, positive pregnancy thoughts to my belly everyday, telling this baby how happy I am they are in there.

I have been so blessed. Beyond words really. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of modern medicine. And most of all I believe in the power of listening to the still small voice that has helped me know when to rely on which of the two.

We are so happy.

Sooooo Complimentary

I am loving five year old Deacon. No surprise he is constantly saying hilarious things but what I love most right now is his compliments. They always make me smile and usually laugh, here are a few little gems:

The other day I asked Deacon if he wanted to take a rest and watch a Arthur he replied "Yes! Oh Mom you are a genius!" love it.

On mothers day he casually said to me "Mothers are called darlings." I loved this one, made me so happy.

He loves to comment on my hair, if it is in a ponytail he usually says "ooh I like your hair like that"

In preschool they learned a lot about manners, he is constantly saying thank you so sincerely for food I make or things I do for him.

Having Deacon be so sweet and complimentary definitely makes my job as a mom a very happy one.

A few cute/clever things he has said lately:

Tonight we went to dinner and the table had a candle on it he said "A candle? Oh no this is a date place!"

We dropped Curt off at the airport and two seconds after we drove away Deacon said "oh I sure miss my daddy!"

I asked Deacon what he wanted to get his teacher Miss Dana for a thank you gift, he was dead set on getting her soap, sweet smelling soap. I thought that was so cute and funny.

Lately he asks me if I want a surprise, when I say yes he gives me a big kiss or hug. The best surprise there is.

Love love love Deacon.

FIVE.

I can hardly believe it. Five whole years old. Five years ago today I was watching a Jazz playoff game at a friends house, I had made the spiciest salsa and had joked it was going to put me into labor.

The next morning when I went to the doctor I declared I could not be pregnant one more day, I went into labor just hours later. I remember thinking it was really important that I take a shower and do my hair before going to the hospital, HA! If only I knew how much pain I was about to be in I would have ran to the hospital.

 Once I had my epidural I watched movies and ate popsicles while waiting to push, uncle Buck to be specific. Little did I know how much my life was about to change. When they put my baby on my chest I could not even explain if I tried the love I felt, I have been feeling it every day ever since.

I am so happy to have shared the past five years with the sweetest little boy. Happy Birthday to my very favorite person in the whole wide world. I love you Deacon!

A love eight relationship

Here it is, the anniversary post. No matter how behind I get on this blog I do not like to miss a chance to shout to the world how much I love Curtis, for reals.

Here is my top eight things I love about the Laysh:

8. his dimples and blue eyes.

7. his smarts, he always knows the answers to my questions and jeopardy? Forget about it.

6. the sense of humor of this man CAN NOT BE BEAT.

5. boy does he take me on some sweet trips, he may text me after spending two dollars at 7-eleven but I really can't complain when I am averaging two Hawaii trips a year.

4. he sticks up for me and loves me. At the end of the day I am his number one.

3. when I am sad he wants to fix whatever is making me feel that way, while it does not always work I appreciate his effort.

2. he loves loves loves Deacon. Reads him chapter books, takes him to Holiday Oil with a quarter to buy a airhead and tells him he loves him 10 times a day.

1. he lets me be me, encourages me to do things I love and wants me to have a fun, happy life.

Happy anniversary Curtis, I am shocked and thrilled you did not do anything WEIRD to your face! I love you so much.

She is taking too long

Listen, I do not know when this blog became all about my struggles. Swear it, I used to be fun, I think I still am! Hopefully if you know me in real life (if you don't know me who are you?? tell me please!) you still think I am kinda fun? Yes?

Today I was leaving a pretty important doctors appointment with Deacon and my mom from the back seat Deacon sighed and said "Mom, we are never going to get a baby" I said, "You don't think so?" he then replied "she is taking too long." Woof. What a punch in the gut, it is taking a long time, I just thought I was the only one who noticed.

Growing up with siblings is all I ever imagined and all I knew, what fun is childhood if you get everything you desire and have no one to fight with? Just kidding, I know there is lots of advantages to being a only child, probably lots of really smart people can tell me all the pros instead of the cons I have in my head. I know that Deacon is having a happy life, we do have a happy life, full full full of fun, adventures, love and life. BUT. where would I be without these people: bossy big sister, house elf brother, annoying little sister and scrawny younger brother?
That is my childhood.

I can hope that Deacon one day will have: much wanted and desired younger brother or sister.

My personal struggle with conceiving has brought me a deeper understanding and love for those who struggle and not just in the same way I am. It has also brought me a genuine love and happiness for those who get what they are after. Truly. I am a different girl than I was two years ago.

I am happy to be that different girl, and I am not mad, sometimes sad but I know that I am not forgotten, I have said that before but so often I am reminded that I am so loved.

AND now that you made it through this post you get a good story as a reward! My work used to be a food bank of some sort so every once in awhile someone wanders in looking for it. The other day a man dressed like a woman came in, I kindly directed them to the new location. After he walked out the door Deacon said "Why is that boy like a grill?" Oh baby! SO glad that was after he left. HA!

I spelled my name ya know.

Deacon is just full of information. Each time he tells me something he starts or ends with "ya know" like tonight in the bathtub he said "mom, I spelled my name ya know, D-E-A-C-O-N" Or when he was fresh out of the bath in his transformer jammies (Thank you Katie! Thank you Jaren!) and he said "I am awesome ya know" I wonder when we outgrow our amazing self esteem?

Gosh I hope Deacon never does, cause ya know, he is awesome.

Resolutions worth keeping

I have never been one for resolutions buuuuuuut this year I really wanted to make and keep some resolutions. For the month of January I have been killing it. Here are my resolutions:

1. Watch 3 full seasons of Parks and rec. via my mothers free netflix account (holla!) (also I think the character Ron Swanson was written with my Uncle Dave in mind, awesome) CHECK!

2. Take a hour each afternoon to snuggle and watch some Disney movie with Deacon. CHECK!

3. Go on a cruise with a bestie and dance too much, eat too much and get too little sleep. CHECK!

4. Try some new restaurants including the Copper Onion once and for all. CHECK!

5. Bake something Delicious every weekend. CHECK!

6. Stay up too late every night. CHECK!

7. Get my hair done by my favorite hairdresser in earth, pay way too much money. CHECK!

8. Visit with my Grandma and spend time with people I have missed. CHECK!

9. Listen to a lot of shizzy gangsta rap and crappy pop on Spotify during the worst hours of the day (3-5 in the afternoon, holy those hours are the dark ages!) CHECK!

10. Insert some goal about doing what married people do to create life way too much (you sorry you read this post? I am sorry I had to write it but you guys, this is my life!) CHECK!

My friends these are some lofty goals, I accomplished them all! Feel free to send me blue ribbons flowers and trophies, but no baked goods because good lord! I ate enough crap this month! Cheers to a February that is the exact opposite of January, well not totally different but hopefully I can find it in my heart to eat a few more vegtables and sleep a little more oh and I will never stop snuggling to Disney movies.

A few items of biz.

Deacon, whoa baby. He is so full of hilarious things right now I have to get them written down before I forget!

Today he asked me if I wanted to make bake pops. I wondered what the heck he was talking about, he went on and on about how we can decorate them, use them for holidays and give them as gifts! But first he said "we have to buy a bake pop maker!" I then realized he was quoting a commercial for a cake pop maker, ha! He also the other day said "diamonds are not forever mom" quoting the commercial Diamonds are forever. Hilarious.

Deacon has taken to snuggling up to me, I LOVE it. Anytime he wants to "take a break and watch a Arthur and snuggle" (his words) I will stop anything. He curls up with his head on my lap and lets me stroke his face and play with his hair. I eat it up, what if he is my last baby? I can't miss any snuggles!

I called for him to come into the bathroom today and he responded "oh no! I know what you are gonna do, comb my hair!"

During sacrament meeting this week he went out to go to the bathroom, as he came back in he did a summersault down the aisle. It was awesome.

He is still absolutely obsessed with transformers, he is always pretending to be one. While playing with his cute friend Maycee the other day he kept saying "c'mon Maycee! You be a ballerina I am a transformer!"

And to top it off he is all over doing handstands any chance he gets.

I really can not get enough of this boy. He is downright delightful.

We like to party

Loved these cookies piled high with marshmellows.

Cutie pie Sadie, she is the only girl in their primary class.

I LOVE this picture.

We really like to party, so much in fact that my four year old boy realizes that he can ask for just about any kind of party and I will oblidge. If only he were smart enough to ask for something really cool like a carnival in our back yard complete with elephants and rides, I am crazy I would do it.

Nope he is just a sweet little thing who requested a Gingerbread party. In case you were wondering this is what you do at a Gingerbread party:

1. eat a gingerbread man shaped lunch and drink out of cute stripey straws.

2. Decorate gingerbread cookies, the kids were so cute dumping mountains of frosting and treats on the cookies and then declaring that they want to save them for their mom or Santa.

3. Read the Gingerbread story that sparked the party.

4. Go on a treasure hunt around the house looking for clues the sneaky gingerbread man hid, then unwrap a brand new game of candyland ( I was going to give it to Deacon for Christmas so this worked perfectly!) The kids were beyond excited when they found the present, then they played the game so nicely together, it was darling.

5. Watch a 30 min. Christmas cartoon.

6. Sent the kids home withe their own Christmas cup filled with little gingerbread men cookies. We are so lucky to have such cute little friends in our neighborhood. I could seriously stay here forever.

Deacon says the Darndest things

almost every night he sneaks out of bed to change into a costume, just like a true superhero. Here he is as Bumblebee.

Time for a list of darling, hilarious, clever things Deacon has said as of late. This boy of mine is at such a fantastic stage, I love everything about him. It is much easier to have a four year old around than a three year old, oh baby that was a wild time.

A few days ago we were talking about love for family night, Curt had just gotten through explaining what charity and love was, I asked Deacon who he loves and he shouted "Jenny!" who is my good friend in my ward. I guess he has a thing for thin, hot, blonde's!

At lunch today with my Mom and sister he was totally restless, he sat on my lap and said " I do not like this place, it is too adorable" HA! I totally love his misuse of words.

When he hopped out of the car to run into preschool his teacher said to me "Did you see that smuggle?" I looked over and saw that he had a big old toy in his jacket. The best part is that morning I thought it was so funny that he requested his jacket with pockets.

At the lunch table as asked him if he thought I was pretty, he said "nope, awesome"

I could listen to him sing songs under his breath all day long, they are usually about transformers fighting the evil disceptiocons. I need to catch it on film.

He loves to tell me how proud he is of himself, for instance " I am so proud I played with my transformers!" I hope this is a product of me telling him how proud I am of him.

I took him to a book club at Angie's house, Owen was not there so Deacon just got to play with his toys. One of the girls asked him what he was doing and he said "Havin' a playdate!"

Each night when we start to read scriptures he says "we already read that one!" Sorry buddy, they all sort of sound alike.

Around Christmas time he got a cute book from his preschool teacher about a gingerbread man. After reading it a few times he so sweetly asked me if we could have a gingerbread party. It was the cutest request I had to say yes. I need to post some pictures of it because it was so darling and fun!

I really can not even put into words how much I treasure my Deacon. Thinking about him going off to kindergarten int he big old elementary school makes me want to take him and run away. I am so proud of how smart, sweet and fun he is. I am so so lucky to be his mom.

I did it!!

You guys, I made it through 2011. I really did. This year was not my favorite year BUT! Please do not be mistaken, I am oh so grateful for all the gifts and blessings I have been given.

Today is my 29th birthday, hanging on to my twenties by a fingernail! I had a great day filled with things I love. I got my little brother to come run immigration canyon with me, I love that run, it is the perfect 6 mile downhiller with the best canyon breezes and beautiful surroundings. The second I start running in that spot I am invigorated and happy (this is not the case for all runs, yikes!) After that I conquered a life long fear, I baked a layer cake! I have always been so nervous to attempt a cake where I would have to flip it out of the pan, thanks to Heather I put my mind at ease and gave it a go. I love how it turned out! It was so fun, I am all over cakes now!

Some other fun things I did: went to costco (oh boy I love costco) and dinner with friends. I also got a surprise visit for one of my besties Casi who made me a plate of yellow cupcakes with choc. frosting, my all time fav!

Curtis took Deacon to the store to buy me a present and Curt said Deacon insisted his mommy wanted the bowls with strawberries on them? Searching through the store Curt finally figured out he wanted to buy me ziploc containers with a picture of a strawberry on the box, I loved them.

My husband is sending me on a cruise with another bestie Annie for my birthday! I am a loved and lucky lady. (since my fallopian tube made me miss a trip to Hawaii, dang 2011)

With all of that said, I will not let another year of my life pass on by. I am going to find lots of happiness this year, starting with this blog, I love the years I have documented on here. Cheers to 2012, lets make it amazeballs.