It's crunch time.

I can not believe I once looked like the above photo! I am exactly twice as far along now as I was in that picture, I need to post another photo because I believe I am double in size as well. I can not believe that in roughly 5 or 6 weeks I will not be pregnant anymore but will have a new baby at home.

The last month or so I have been able to check some things off my lists. I am super lucky to have talented and helpful friends. This baby is going to have a very cute nursery. I have a couple showers coming up, I am excited and feel really blessed to have so many people in my life who love me.

My pregnancy has been pretty great overall, the last few weeks I have had horrible braxton hicks contractions, I never had that with Deacon so it has been a weird experience. I just have to remember to take a break and lay down when they come on. Those contractions have a great way of reminding me just how much crap I still have to do!

I definitely feel myself frantically trying to spend time with Deacon, constantly telling him how much I love him. The other night when I was laying in bed with him before he fell asleep I told him (for the 1,003493577339332th time) that when the new baby comes I will still love him SO much, even MORE than I love him now probably! And he just said "I KNOW mom" I really hope I have done my job to show Deacon that I love him more than anything in the world. I always laugh when I recall when I was a kid probably 8 or 9 years old I was looking at myself in the mirror and thought to myself "I really am so pretty!" this was all because my parents had constantly built me up and the world had not made me feel otherwise quite yet.  I hope I have done the same for Deacon.

One thing is for sure, I will miss feeling this baby move all around in my tummy. If this happens to be my last baby I know for sure that I have enjoyed this pregancy to the max.

The business of getting a baby

Wishing I had all the right words to say, I wish I could properly express all the different emotions I feel. I keep writing and rewriting this post, realizing it is not as easy as it seems it should be.

This little family of mine is about to get bigger. We are having a baby in December. Can you believe it? I don't think I have stopped pinching myself since I saw the tiny word pregnant on the test 11 weeks ago.  To say we are thrilled would not even do it justice. Deacon asked me the other day "is the baby having so much fun in your belly? when I was a baby I had soooo much fun in your belly" he is going to be the best brother.

It probably seems strange that it is so hard to share such happy, happy news. The thing is, I know the pain and the heartbreak all too well of losing babies and not getting the babies you desire. I want to always be careful in my choice of words, my attitude towards pregnancy and in expressing my compassion to those who wait for the thing they desire so deeply.

There is also the fear that I have to daily put in check. I try to whisper calm, positive pregnancy thoughts to my belly everyday, telling this baby how happy I am they are in there.

I have been so blessed. Beyond words really. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of modern medicine. And most of all I believe in the power of listening to the still small voice that has helped me know when to rely on which of the two.

We are so happy.