Lately

SO many things to report! Here is the family rundown: Deacon: Started kindergarten, what! I know! It came too soon for me too but he loves it. The morning of his first day I made him pancakes and cried my eyes out when I realized that I will never get him to myself all day everyday again. I am so so thankful that I have had the chance to be with him so much. He really is my best friend and a sweet boy. He also went on a trip to me Louisiana to visit my Dad and Dana, we did so many things. I also learned that he is a lego prodigy when it took me two full hours to put together a 65 piece lego set and it took him twenty minutes. He spends all his spare time wiggling his first loose tooth. Someone please stop time.

Curtis: Is SO crazy. One of the things I love about him is his confidence and desire to learn new things. He took on the project of re-roofing our house, he has youtubed, read online, picked brains and enlisted advice from every Home Depot employee and in the process learned how to roof saving us oh, 10 grand or so. Our house is a nightmare right now but I am so proud of him. I love Curtis. He felt baby girl kick last night and it was so awesome. He is also playing Fantasy Football in more leagues than I should know about and trying to finish this roof project mainly so NFL Sunday ticket can be back up and running. He is also the best trip deal finder on the planet earth. I am so glad he knows how happy it makes me to go visit my Dad and Dana and is always looking for ways to make that happen for me.

Me: I can not believe it is already mid September and I do not have my Halloween decor up yet! I told my friend Lindsay and she said "you are like two months late!" she knows me well. I had a great summer, fun youth conference at Utah State, Girls camp, Disneyland, trip to Island Park with my oldest, best girlfriends, Louisiana and a Vegas trip in the future. Got to get my travels out of my system before I am homebound for awhile. I am still working at Shabby Apple which is fun. I am getting really excited to decorate a nursery and also for Christmas! I am really looking forward to bringing a new baby home to a cozy Christmas bungalow. I love my little old house and I love it more with each improvement we make. I could honestly stay here forever.

Babe: Is growing and growing with my huge belly as evidence. Has already made our family so happy. Deacon loves to tell me all the brilliant names he thinks we should use, my favorites? Linda, Tyla, Syla, Sally and Felicia. What do you guys think? Linda Leasure? I sometimes still can not believe that I get to care for another baby. I learned so much about prayer these last couple years. I also learned that I am NEVER alone, never. I can not wait until this baby is old enough that I can explain how loved and wanted she is.

Dreams that are big

Each time I go on vacation I come home with memories and links to unexpected things. For instance I always associate fresh pineapple to Hawaii (of course) or windy, cold weather takes me back to Scotland and eating too much that I get a stomach ache puts me at any cabin. Music I would not normally listen to reminds me of visiting my Dad.

Last time Deacon and I went to Louisiana I listened to lots of my Dads music and came home with a few songs I would never listen to on my own. Curtis DIES whenever he hears one of these said songs.

One night a few months ago I had just left the gym and I felt like driving for a little before heading home. I felt low, I was feeling desperate. One of these songs came on my ipod and I. was. a. mess

"And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big."

and then I said a prayer and let myself dream. Two weeks later my dream came true.

The business of getting a baby

Wishing I had all the right words to say, I wish I could properly express all the different emotions I feel. I keep writing and rewriting this post, realizing it is not as easy as it seems it should be.

This little family of mine is about to get bigger. We are having a baby in December. Can you believe it? I don't think I have stopped pinching myself since I saw the tiny word pregnant on the test 11 weeks ago.  To say we are thrilled would not even do it justice. Deacon asked me the other day "is the baby having so much fun in your belly? when I was a baby I had soooo much fun in your belly" he is going to be the best brother.

It probably seems strange that it is so hard to share such happy, happy news. The thing is, I know the pain and the heartbreak all too well of losing babies and not getting the babies you desire. I want to always be careful in my choice of words, my attitude towards pregnancy and in expressing my compassion to those who wait for the thing they desire so deeply.

There is also the fear that I have to daily put in check. I try to whisper calm, positive pregnancy thoughts to my belly everyday, telling this baby how happy I am they are in there.

I have been so blessed. Beyond words really. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of modern medicine. And most of all I believe in the power of listening to the still small voice that has helped me know when to rely on which of the two.

We are so happy.

I did it!!

You guys, I made it through 2011. I really did. This year was not my favorite year BUT! Please do not be mistaken, I am oh so grateful for all the gifts and blessings I have been given.

Today is my 29th birthday, hanging on to my twenties by a fingernail! I had a great day filled with things I love. I got my little brother to come run immigration canyon with me, I love that run, it is the perfect 6 mile downhiller with the best canyon breezes and beautiful surroundings. The second I start running in that spot I am invigorated and happy (this is not the case for all runs, yikes!) After that I conquered a life long fear, I baked a layer cake! I have always been so nervous to attempt a cake where I would have to flip it out of the pan, thanks to Heather I put my mind at ease and gave it a go. I love how it turned out! It was so fun, I am all over cakes now!

Some other fun things I did: went to costco (oh boy I love costco) and dinner with friends. I also got a surprise visit for one of my besties Casi who made me a plate of yellow cupcakes with choc. frosting, my all time fav!

Curtis took Deacon to the store to buy me a present and Curt said Deacon insisted his mommy wanted the bowls with strawberries on them? Searching through the store Curt finally figured out he wanted to buy me ziploc containers with a picture of a strawberry on the box, I loved them.

My husband is sending me on a cruise with another bestie Annie for my birthday! I am a loved and lucky lady. (since my fallopian tube made me miss a trip to Hawaii, dang 2011)

With all of that said, I will not let another year of my life pass on by. I am going to find lots of happiness this year, starting with this blog, I love the years I have documented on here. Cheers to 2012, lets make it amazeballs.

The inconvienient nap

It has happened to every mom, when your kid falls asleep at the worst possible time. Today was Easter, sugar mania. We had a big fun day of church, easter dinner and some easter egg hunting and playing with the new playdough the Easter bunny brought. By the time things had calmed down Deacon laid on my bed and his little eyelids look mighty heavy. Yup 6:00 and the boy is drifting to sleep.

Now I have a choice. I can:

A) close my eyes ma self!

B) bribe him to wake up with ice cream cones! trips to the park! going to his cousins Wills' house!

C) contemplate putting him in bed for the night, will he sleep the night through??

D) Pick up his sweet tired little body wrap it in a blanket and snuggle him within a inch of his life.

What would you choose? I chose D and it was oh so good. I laid down with him on the couch and smelled his skin and kissed his cheeks, all the things my almost 4 year old does not really let me do. I snuggled him and thought about things that are weighing heavy on my heart and my mind, suddenly I felt lighter and more peaceful. After my 15 minutes of snuggling I woke Deacon up with the promise of riding his bike around the block (!) So I suppose the nap actually came and the exact right time. Happy Easter one and all!

Running away

A few months ago I was feeling down and out. I had just had my third miscarriage and I was feeling so discouraged with my body. I hated feeling such sad thoughts about myself and I needed to do something that would make me love my body and myself more. Cheesy? Maybe, but necessary for my sanity.

I decided that I would run the Salt Lake city 1/2 marathon. I had five weeks to train and was probably crazy. Somehow the training really came together. I was able to work up to 10 miles with no injury or mishaps. While doing my long runs I thought a lot about my body and what it had been through. I found myself often times feeling so thankful for the body I have and for the ability to do things like run. Also a few prayers of thanks were said during the long quiet runs.

If you do not like to run it is hard to understand the desire to run 13.1 miles. Curtis will always think I am crazy for doing it, I feel crazy around mile ten, but finishing is one of the best feelings imaginable.

The race was fantastic, awesome course and I loved seeing so many people out running. My friend Jenny met me at mile 6 I was so grateful. Knowing that I had someone cheering me on was a huge motivator. And I got to ditch my jacket on her, thanks Jenny! And then seeing Kris my sister in law run and give me a big hug at the end was so fun! She is a great running partner even if she smokes me!

Of all the things I want to be or do in my life a runner is a big one, I am working on it! And I love my body for helping me become all the things I want to be.

Guilt wiped away with some cookies

Maybe other moms do not have a problem with this but I do. I have set all sorts of expectations that no one cares about except me. For some reason I felt like I had to get or make just the right costume for Halloween for Deacon. I do have fun picking them out and I am sure next year he will want to be something completely opposite of what I think is clever or cute. This year was stressing me out. Today I was by myself and decided to run to Old Navy just to see what they had. A couple weeks ago at this 5K Deacon got his face painted and loved it. I saw this tiger costume and got a great face painting idea. I bought it brought it home and Deacon was in Heaven.
We spent the evening growling practicing trick or treating and most importantly making Halloween cookies. I let Deacon get right into it rolling out the dough and using the cookie cutters. And best of all he did it all in his $10 costume.

He was so happy and kept saying " I wanna do another project" All the while singing songs from The nightmare before Christmas.

The frosting was another highlight for him. And he especially loved the "sprinklers" or sprinkles.

The moral of this Looooong story is that sometimes I need to cut myself some slack and make some cookies. It sure made me happy to see him run wild in his costume and beg to wear it to bed. Happy Halloween!

A little Down picked me right up

Sometimes when I have a rough day or week something surprising cheers me up. Tonight I went with my friend Kimi up to Silver Lake up big Cottonwood canyon. It is beautiful and a perfect little walk for Deacon. Not to mention the Fall foliage is out of this world right now. No other season awakens my senses quite like Fall.

We were walking around the boardwalk and had stopped right by another family looking out on the water and looked at the ducks. The family had a son with down syndrome with them, probably 10 years old. He immediately took to Deacon and they were laughing and pointing at the ducks together.

When we turned to leave the boy stepped right in front of me and gave me a big hug. I walked away with tears in my eyes. Something about the hard week I had had and this sweet boys kindness filled my heart. It is going to be a good week.

Youth Conference 2010

The whole Gang, I was not super stoked about being responsible for these girls on the side of a huge mountain.
This prank the girls played the last night was hilarious. Just picture all these glow sticks in the pitch dark doing the robot, pretty good.
Daren thought we did not make enough BBQ beef, we showed him by making him eat all the leftovers out of Dave's Bare hands.
The goofy face picture.
Me and Chrissy. Love her.
Snowbird was so beautiful, the location could not have been more perfect.
This was a team game that made for some excellent pictures.
Can you believe I hike up that whole huge mountain? Whew!
Thank heavens for Lindsay who blew up this air mattress not once but Twice (after I left the cap open whoops!) for us to sleep on. Love her.
I conquered my fear of falling to my death of a ski lift.
I made sure to document my near death experience.
The YW who were there on top of the mountain.
Us on the tram on the way up. Talk about claustrophobia. I guess I have something with heights.

Youth conference was so awesome, I went in thinking I would have some fun but it was SO FUN. We camped up above snowbird and it was beautiful. We shared a campsite with a mom and baby moose (thought my Grandpa Orme would like to hear that!) and tons of wild flowers and flowing streams. It was the perfect setting. One night at 11:00 pm we hiked to Cecret lake and it is now one of my favorite things I have done, ever. I was so proud of all the kids that were able to come, they were so great. I loved staying up waaaaay to late every night with Chrissy Lindsay and Mary (I missed you Holly!) I am lucky to serve with people I enjoy so much.

Summer

My sister and her family have been visiting form Scotland for the past three weeks. They just left this morning and I feel lonely. The past few weeks have been total chaos and so much fun. Not much brings me the kind of joy that watching Deacon play with his cousins brings me. I realized I did not take enough pictures I think I was just trying to have as much fun as possible. Anyhow the above picture pretty much sums up our time together, awesome.

Takes me back

Does this happen to you? It is so crazy to me how a song can take you screaming back to another time in your life. I guess smells and tastes do as well but nothing does it for me like a song. I was helping my mom clean her house yesterday when I heard a song I had put on a DVD of pictures I made for the family I nannied for 7 years ago. I was surprised when my eyed filled with tears and I remembered how much I loved being with them and all the memories of them. Just like Van Morrison reminds me of my Dad and Saturday morning chores.

Ben Folds reminds me of my brother Walker. Shawn Colvin makes me think of my mom. And boy does Pearl Jam make me think of love and my true love. I love the way James Taylor and Elton John take me back to my childhood and how I love listening to them and singing their songs to Deacon now. Something about music and a memory that makes me smile.

Girls camp!

I did my fair share of relaxing/supervising. I felt a lot like my dad who spent half his life at scout camp doing the same thing.
Cute Eliza, we made her play some other girls guitar and serenade us because she is awesome.
This is our little "mail" system. It was so fun! I loved that when I got to camp I had so many sweet notes from the girls.
A bunch of the girls.
A bunch of the girls again and Chrissy at flag ceremony. This is where I watched a mouse sit perched on Sams foot for a full 30 seconds.
Most the girls and leaders who were at camp, a few were there before I got there so I missed them. (Holly, sad I missed my partner in crime)
This is me and Chrissie our President. She is so amazing I love everything about her.
I have found that you are either one of those people that loved Girls camp as a kid or hated it. I loved it so I was very excited to attend my first girls camp as a leader. It did not disappoint! I had a blast. We did so many fun things and I was only there for a day! We have such good girls in our ward who made the whole experience awesome for me and for each other. Love these girls.

Rain rain

snuggled up for a rainy day snooze

I don't really want you to go away just yet, but don't get any ideas about staying too long. Anyone remember last June when it rained halfway through the month? But for now I am enjoying the nice sounds and smell of rain and the glorious afternoon naps it provides.

The dirtier the child......

The better the day. Even though this was taken last year this is what Deacon has looked like the past two days. Nothing makes me happier than letting him play outside all day and then giving him a bath resulting in black bathwater then when his head hits the pillow he has a smile on his face remembering what a fun day it had been. So happy it is spring.

Snap out of it!

I keep thinking if I never post anything new then my trip is not really over. Does anyone else get that feeling after a really great trip? That life will never quite be as awesome as it was on vacation? So to try and bring back the vacation awesomeness Deacon and I are soaking up every bit of warm weather spring brings us in the above pictured hammock. Ps. remember last year when Curt gave Deacon the worlds worst haircut? Well there it is in case you forgot.

Beaches and Bubbles

Something about the beach and giant bubble wands that just treat you right.

Two tiny cupcakes

For two tiny guys.

P.S. Please take note to the fact that Stockton also loves the superman slippers.

My favorite things!

Laura tagged me on her blog to show you all some of my favorite things around my house, what fun! Look at her blog too, she has some good things around her house. I love this toy chest so much, it fits Deacons room perfectly and everytime I open it the red bandana inside makes me smile.

I love this hammock and I love where it sits in front of the big tree and purple flowers. Definately a happy spot for me.

One of the best things about my house are the two huge picture windows on both the front and back wall of the. I also love when Deacon and Duke are both perched in front of it.

This is a spot of my dresser where I keep some treasures. The necklace hanging is my great grandma Maxines. The picture of me my brother and sister is an all time favorite. I love the little boy picture of Curt. I keep my wedding ring in the little pill box when I am not wearing it. And the pictue in the back I made, It is Deacon at about 6 months old, it says "time flies" boy does it. What a fun tag! YOU should do this!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Look at cute little Will getting so big, I can not believe he is almost one!

Deacon was thrilled to have three water balloons to send down his slide over and over again.

One two three slide! Deacon and aunt Abby.

Everyone eating and enjoying the nice weather while it lasts! Goodbye Summer!

Chalk art! This is the game where Deacon demands you draw a mouse/tractor/moon/car etc.

The grill master, does he not just look thrilled to be alive!?

Deacon taking a two second break from the pool and his precious water balloons to eat.

The menu for the Birthday feast! And boy was it delish!

The boys tossing the water balloons, can you see in Curts eyes how much he loves cheesy games?

good old fashioned water balloon toss, Curt and I won of course.

We were playing the game where you take a sponge and race to a bucket and try to squeeze out as much water as possible. Deacon was running back and forth every single time squeeling with excitment, it was so funny.

The sponge game, I am quick as lightning and Isaac is trying his best to cheat. No way, not on my watch.

The birthday girl blowing out the candles on her yummy yummy coconut cupcakes with lime buttercream frosting (Thanks Lar for the yum recipie!)

I LOVE throwing a party, it is one of my most favorite things to do. It was extra fun because it was for my moms birthday and well, we love her. I need to start thinking of my next party.........