Lately

SO many things to report! Here is the family rundown: Deacon: Started kindergarten, what! I know! It came too soon for me too but he loves it. The morning of his first day I made him pancakes and cried my eyes out when I realized that I will never get him to myself all day everyday again. I am so so thankful that I have had the chance to be with him so much. He really is my best friend and a sweet boy. He also went on a trip to me Louisiana to visit my Dad and Dana, we did so many things. I also learned that he is a lego prodigy when it took me two full hours to put together a 65 piece lego set and it took him twenty minutes. He spends all his spare time wiggling his first loose tooth. Someone please stop time.

Curtis: Is SO crazy. One of the things I love about him is his confidence and desire to learn new things. He took on the project of re-roofing our house, he has youtubed, read online, picked brains and enlisted advice from every Home Depot employee and in the process learned how to roof saving us oh, 10 grand or so. Our house is a nightmare right now but I am so proud of him. I love Curtis. He felt baby girl kick last night and it was so awesome. He is also playing Fantasy Football in more leagues than I should know about and trying to finish this roof project mainly so NFL Sunday ticket can be back up and running. He is also the best trip deal finder on the planet earth. I am so glad he knows how happy it makes me to go visit my Dad and Dana and is always looking for ways to make that happen for me.

Me: I can not believe it is already mid September and I do not have my Halloween decor up yet! I told my friend Lindsay and she said "you are like two months late!" she knows me well. I had a great summer, fun youth conference at Utah State, Girls camp, Disneyland, trip to Island Park with my oldest, best girlfriends, Louisiana and a Vegas trip in the future. Got to get my travels out of my system before I am homebound for awhile. I am still working at Shabby Apple which is fun. I am getting really excited to decorate a nursery and also for Christmas! I am really looking forward to bringing a new baby home to a cozy Christmas bungalow. I love my little old house and I love it more with each improvement we make. I could honestly stay here forever.

Babe: Is growing and growing with my huge belly as evidence. Has already made our family so happy. Deacon loves to tell me all the brilliant names he thinks we should use, my favorites? Linda, Tyla, Syla, Sally and Felicia. What do you guys think? Linda Leasure? I sometimes still can not believe that I get to care for another baby. I learned so much about prayer these last couple years. I also learned that I am NEVER alone, never. I can not wait until this baby is old enough that I can explain how loved and wanted she is.

Summer of bikinis and grilled cheese

Can I just say, this is the best summer so far. Deacon is swimming like a fish, I am supposed to be fat in a swimsuit and any time we feel like taking a nap in the middle of the day we can!

At the pool today I found myself comparing this summer to next summer. This summer I am eating grilled cheeses poolside and watching Deacon practice the breaststroke. NEXT summer I will be shading a baby from the sun and prooooooobably eating a lean piece of grilled chicken, ha!

That is the beauty in waiting for something you really want, I find myself basking in every minute of this summer with my favorite person in the world. How crazy is it that next summer I will have two kids to love and soak up every minute of?

One thing is for sure, I am pretty sure I will not be posting any bikini pics next summer.

I like

Just some things of note:

I like: freshly washed sheets and bedding, especially crisp white sheets.
I dislike: the flu, yuck. The flu took over our house this week, first Deacon, then me and a couple days later just to tease us, Curtis, say a quick prayer it does not hit Duke.
I like: swimming when it is hot. I realize I do not love the heat unless I am by a pool and then I LOVE it.
I like: watching Deacon swim like a little fish each time saying "I bet this will make you proud!" before swimming to me.
I dislike: The flu in the summertime. The flu is terrible always but I am here to tell you, the flu in the summer is the absolute WORST.
I like: Being pregnant.
I Dislike: Curtis saying this is our last baby, what does he know?
I like: Peach Fresca, also Black Cherry Fresca. Holy cow.
I like: Vacations. I wanna go somewhere.
I like: The house two doors down from me. Would it be weird to move two doors down?
I dislike: The new restaurant at the City Creek nordstrom. Speaking as someone who ate a shiz load of meals at the nordstrom cafe (old fashion place) the nordstrom bistro (new fashion place) the original nordstrom cafe has the best food of all three by a long shot.
I like: The pistachio chicken salad at the nordstrom cafe!
I like: Parks and Rec. even better than 30 Rock, and that is saying a lot.
I like: Pineapple, watermelon and anything fresh tasting.
I dislike: not blogging.
I like: that it took me waaaay longer to think of dislikes than it did likes. I am happy.

Dreams that are big

Each time I go on vacation I come home with memories and links to unexpected things. For instance I always associate fresh pineapple to Hawaii (of course) or windy, cold weather takes me back to Scotland and eating too much that I get a stomach ache puts me at any cabin. Music I would not normally listen to reminds me of visiting my Dad.

Last time Deacon and I went to Louisiana I listened to lots of my Dads music and came home with a few songs I would never listen to on my own. Curtis DIES whenever he hears one of these said songs.

One night a few months ago I had just left the gym and I felt like driving for a little before heading home. I felt low, I was feeling desperate. One of these songs came on my ipod and I. was. a. mess

"And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big."

and then I said a prayer and let myself dream. Two weeks later my dream came true.

The business of getting a baby

Wishing I had all the right words to say, I wish I could properly express all the different emotions I feel. I keep writing and rewriting this post, realizing it is not as easy as it seems it should be.

This little family of mine is about to get bigger. We are having a baby in December. Can you believe it? I don't think I have stopped pinching myself since I saw the tiny word pregnant on the test 11 weeks ago.  To say we are thrilled would not even do it justice. Deacon asked me the other day "is the baby having so much fun in your belly? when I was a baby I had soooo much fun in your belly" he is going to be the best brother.

It probably seems strange that it is so hard to share such happy, happy news. The thing is, I know the pain and the heartbreak all too well of losing babies and not getting the babies you desire. I want to always be careful in my choice of words, my attitude towards pregnancy and in expressing my compassion to those who wait for the thing they desire so deeply.

There is also the fear that I have to daily put in check. I try to whisper calm, positive pregnancy thoughts to my belly everyday, telling this baby how happy I am they are in there.

I have been so blessed. Beyond words really. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of modern medicine. And most of all I believe in the power of listening to the still small voice that has helped me know when to rely on which of the two.

We are so happy.

Sooooo Complimentary

I am loving five year old Deacon. No surprise he is constantly saying hilarious things but what I love most right now is his compliments. They always make me smile and usually laugh, here are a few little gems:

The other day I asked Deacon if he wanted to take a rest and watch a Arthur he replied "Yes! Oh Mom you are a genius!" love it.

On mothers day he casually said to me "Mothers are called darlings." I loved this one, made me so happy.

He loves to comment on my hair, if it is in a ponytail he usually says "ooh I like your hair like that"

In preschool they learned a lot about manners, he is constantly saying thank you so sincerely for food I make or things I do for him.

Having Deacon be so sweet and complimentary definitely makes my job as a mom a very happy one.

A few cute/clever things he has said lately:

Tonight we went to dinner and the table had a candle on it he said "A candle? Oh no this is a date place!"

We dropped Curt off at the airport and two seconds after we drove away Deacon said "oh I sure miss my daddy!"

I asked Deacon what he wanted to get his teacher Miss Dana for a thank you gift, he was dead set on getting her soap, sweet smelling soap. I thought that was so cute and funny.

Lately he asks me if I want a surprise, when I say yes he gives me a big kiss or hug. The best surprise there is.

Love love love Deacon.

FIVE.

I can hardly believe it. Five whole years old. Five years ago today I was watching a Jazz playoff game at a friends house, I had made the spiciest salsa and had joked it was going to put me into labor.

The next morning when I went to the doctor I declared I could not be pregnant one more day, I went into labor just hours later. I remember thinking it was really important that I take a shower and do my hair before going to the hospital, HA! If only I knew how much pain I was about to be in I would have ran to the hospital.

 Once I had my epidural I watched movies and ate popsicles while waiting to push, uncle Buck to be specific. Little did I know how much my life was about to change. When they put my baby on my chest I could not even explain if I tried the love I felt, I have been feeling it every day ever since.

I am so happy to have shared the past five years with the sweetest little boy. Happy Birthday to my very favorite person in the whole wide world. I love you Deacon!